- Hey, let’s put everything under construction at the same time. There are already traffic delays from that project down the road, so let’s dig all this shit up right here too.
- Hey, let’s not finish any of this shit. We’ll just put a big orange cone in front of it over the winter and come back to it next year.
- Hey, let’s tell everyone this will take two weeks. I’m pretty sure we can stretch it out to six months.
- Hey, remember when we tore up that entire stretch of decently paved highway last summer and caused appalling traffic jams for a month and a half? Yeah, let’s do that shit again this summer. I know there’s a pretty rough part a few exits down, but that’ll be a lot more work and the improvement will probably be appreciated, so fuck that.
- Hey, instead of paying one disgruntled cop to stand here and poorly direct traffic, let’s get two of ’em. That way they’ll have someone to chat with while ignoring impending head-on collisions. They can both yell and give Mean Face when their half-assed, indecipherable hand signals are misinterpreted.
- Hey, let’s stand in the middle of the road, staring off into space, then get all pissed off when someone almost sideswipes us.
- Hey, let’s take the backhoe out for a spin down that busy street. We can wave agitatedly for everyone behind us to pass when we’re swerving erratically in the no passing zone.
- Hey, let’s swing the excavator right out into traffic and watch people shit themselves when they think they’re about to die. Then we’ll flip them off.
- Hey, this would be a hell of a lot more difficult for us and have a much more detrimental effect on quality of life if we did it during rush hour. Let’s definitely schedule this during rush hour.
- Hey, let’s put up a detour sign that points thataway but clearly has no way of redirecting people back to where they were headed. Or, better, let’s put up a couple-a signs along a route to string people along, then we won’t put up any more once they’re totally lost in a neighborhood riddled with one-ways, cul-de-sacs, and unmarked streets.
- Hey, if you pay me overtime, I’ll stand here all day doing fuck-all.
- Hey, if you send all the contracts for frivolous jobs our way, we’ll help get you re-elected again.
- Hey, if you contribute to my campaign and get me the votes I need, I’ll send all the contracts for frivolous jobs your way.
Spew Forth Your Blather