Why is this so consistently difficult?
I know it’s you, Karl! So help me if I ever catch you furtively slinking away after topping off. I won’t heave the 5-gallon bottle onto the cooler; I will follow you to your desk, open the fresh jug, and hoist it over your head while you sit there unproductively staring off into space and slurping loudly from your mug. I will do this not because I think you are such a winner, but because I believe you are capable of being the coach of a squad of winners who aspire to your greatness. Consider this a celebratory gesture, like a Gatorade Shower, for all the truly terrific and thoughtful things you do.
Karl, on the off chance you read this, I should clarify so my tone is not misinterpreted: What preceded was sarcasm, i.e., my true thoughts of you are exactly the opposite. Furthermore, such a dousing would probably be the best bathing you receive that week. You smell.
Spew Forth Your Blather